Insecure

fuck. 

i really am.

may look calm outside but i am comparing myself to others.

always look down on myself. 

and i know it's not good.

can't stop comparing. don't even know how to stop. there's time when i couldn't even look myself in the mirror, time when i stay in my fucking room for one whole day, sleeping, because i don't think i deserve to go outside. i like being alone, so i don't have to meet people and compare myself. don't even think i deserve compliments from people. 

i can't trust.

i don't even know why. i just can't. "i like you", bla bla bla. i can't trust. i mean how can someone even like me when i don't even like myself. funny. i have this trust issue and it's gettin' worse. can't even trust my ehem2 *back then when i have one* more than 40%. hahaha. doi lucu lah. and i'm always right. kak ton memang selalu diduakan -________-

i always think i'm not good enough for anyone, so i decide to just, not be with anyone. besides, i'm tired of people pointing out my flaw, try to change what i am. can't i just be me? why do you even wanna be with me if you wanna change what i am. can't do that. sorry.

i know i should get rid of this insecurities soon before it grows bigger.

maybe all i need is someone who'll just love me as i am. love my flaw *uhuk uhuk, batuk manja sikettttt*

nahh, i guess imma stay lowkey now. don't wanna get hurt again. biarlah i sendiri jew menghadapi dunia yang kejam dan penuh cabaran (~'_')~

one last thing,

you don't have to point out my flaw.

i have this mirror as big as me at home. 

so don't bother telling me 

cunt.